What happens in high school stays in high school

Graduating high school and going to college is pretty major life achievement. Not everybody does it, for lots of reasons. Only around two thirds of Americans have a college degree. But if you found your way here to this website, then I assume that crossing the stage and going to college—probably moving away from home to go to college—is something you’re planning on.

College is a new start. You’re no longer confined to the strictures and bell schedules of high school, no longer looked over every hour. You get to leave a lot behind, and that’s wonderful. But let’s pause and take stock of some things you leave behind that you may not be thinking about. When you leave high school and go off to college, what stays behind?

Your high school grades. You’ll need to send an official high school transcript to your college once the final grades are in. And, if you’re like a lot of people, that’s the last you’ll ever see of your high school grades. The bad news is that they truly are part of “your permanent record.” The good news is that nobody is likely to look at, or care about, your permanent record. No matter how good, bad, or mediocre your high school grades were, you get a fresh new start in college.

There’s a catch, though. Your college GPA is very likely to be about the same as your high school GPA, or slightly lower. There’s a pretty strong correlation between high school grades and college grades. If you want your college grades to be different, you’re going to need to plan ahead to make that happen.

But unless there’s a change, your college GPA will probably be the same as your high school GPA. If you want to change, start planning now. Being a better college student than you were a high school student will require extra focus and organization. Time management skills will be incredibly important.

Your standardized test scores. Once you begin college, your SAT, ACT, or AP scores really don’t mean anything. They may have helped you get admitted to college, and they may even have an effect on your required classes in college, but they become useless after you begin. If you have scores you’re not proud of, that can be a nice burden lifted. If you invested a lot of your self-worth or self-identity in high test scores, though, the transition can be a bit more uncomfortable. But either way, those scores are done with.

I have to warn you, though, that that done-ness can come back to bite you sometimes. If you transfer colleges, either from a community college to a four-year college or from one four-year college to another, then those test scores may be meaningless.

Say, for example, you get admitted to a university based at least partly on your high test scores, but then things don’t go well. For whatever reason you fail a class or two (or three or five), and you realize the school isn’t a good fit. Your transfer application is going to rely much more heavily on your college record—which isn’t so hot in this example—than your high school record. The college may not even consider high school or SAT/ACT at all. This can be a big problem.

When I went to college, I placed out of the required first-year math and first-year composition requirements based on my SAT scores. That was wonderful! But then, when I transferred to a different college my junior year, they didn’t have the option to skip those requirements. And I didn’t have a math credit or freshman writing class on my transcript. So I had to take College Algebra and Freshman Comp my senior year. It was no fun.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t doubt your affection for, and commitment to, your boyfriend or girlfriend. I do, however, doubt that you’ll be together for long once you’re in college. It just doesn’t usually work that way. Yes, you hear about people who married their high school significant other. I know people who have been with their spouse since they were in high school. But that’s what they call “the exception that proves the rule.” Think about it this way: when a couple has been together since high school, that’s noteworthy. People will call them “high school sweethearts.” It’s rare enough that it’s got a name and is something people bring up. Couples who met and together after high school? Nobody mentions that. There’s no special term for that, because it’s the norm.

I don’t think there’s any good reason to put your romantic life on hold until you’re done with high school (unless, of course, you want to, which is great also.) Nor do I think you should treat romantic partners as disposable, someone you’re just going to get rid of once you get to college. But far too many recent high school graduates are caught off guard by this dilemma. It’s okay to start thinking about it now. And talk about it. And plan for it.

Your family’s input and intervention. The Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act, or FERPA, guarantees that you and your parents have access to your educational records. You may have a Permanent Record, but you’re not supposed to have a Secret Record. What this means for you in practical terms is that if you or your parents have questions or concerns about your grades, the school has to respond. A teacher can’t legally say “your grades are your grades and I don’t have to explain them.” It also means a teacher can’t legally share your grades with others.

Once you’re in college and a legal adult, however, you get all the privacy. Not your parents. So the good news is that if your parents try to call one of your college professors to get answers about your grade and performance, the professors aren’t allowed to disclose anything (here’s a succinct graphic). The bad news is that you still have to deal with your parents about your grades and performance, and your professors won’t provide any context or support. It’s just you.

Some of the most important things and people to you in high school will suddenly get really un-important to you, really quick. Sometimes in ways that are freeing and glorious, sometimes in ways that can be a pain in the butt. I’m not trying to scare anyone or tell you that what’s important to you now isn’t really that important. I just know that there are sometimes situations where people ask “why didn’t anyone warn me about this?” You’ve been warned.

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